ZIPTIDE
I was the last of the four crew members to join the this pipe dream of a trip which was to take a boat from La Crosse, Wisconsin to the Gulf of Mexico by using the Mississippi River. The only thing I could confirm was the meeting place and the day of departure. While I trusted my friends who had been working on this project prior to me joining. They didn’t seem to know much more than I did.
Zip Tide was a 1979 pontoon boat stripped to the core. Powered by an 85hp Johnson with a throttle cable that worked part time. I wasn’t there for the ground breaking remodeling of Zip. Which consisted of installing vinyl floor leftovers, a canopy fit for a patio and an entirely new paint job which was sprayed burgundy because that was the color on sale. Another notable mention would be the camping chairs thrown in just before launch.
It only made sense to give it the name Zip Tide, primarily because of the multiple packs of zip ties that held this boat together. Zip’s characteristics were the talk of the 19 locks we had to pass through. The workers began placing bets on which one we was going to be our last. I think we surprised everyone, including ourselves when we won that bet.
Traveling approximately 375 nautical miles over the course of eight days, we came to terms that this was the best bad idea we’ve ever had. There was about a million things that went wrong every single day on and off the water. But the amount of people that helped along the way restored our faith in humanity, even in the year of 2020.
The trip ended sadly as we could not complete our mission because of our motor blowing up as we passed the St. Louis Arch. Thankfully some tug boats and the fire department pulled us to safety. Which lead us to arranging the funeral of Zip Tide on the side of the river in Missouri. Since we never had the title, the boat was never to be seen again.
I think it’s safe to speak for the crew that we are going to need a better boat when we make a second attempt at conquering the Mississippi River. Which will begin when someone responds to our Craigslist ads in the ‘free stuff’ section.
